albert.
Hello, my name's Emily
I'm mostly hungry and you can usaully win me over with chocolate

Everything’s got to end sometime otherwise nothing would ever get started. - The Doctor

(Source: stydiaislove)

Posted 5 hours ago with 4,596 notes

I don’t know about a motto to sum up entirely who I am, but one thing I’ve always lived by, and people try and convince me out of it, and I just don’t believe in it is, I’ve never been a dater. I’ve never gone on true dates before. Really, with anyone. I’ve had a few boyfriends before but I’ve never truly just gone on random dates. When people ask why, I’ve always said I feel like dates are like interviews, and I refuse to be romantically employed.

Posted 5 hours ago with 2,909 notes

jedavu:

Surreal Collages by Eugenia Loli

Posted 5 hours ago with 2,819 notes

(Source: drownerrs)

Posted 5 hours ago with 54,626 notes

(Source: theqovernor)

Posted 5 hours ago with 13,750 notes

(Source: dailysebastianstan)

Posted 5 hours ago with 532 notes

(Source: fierceandlittle)

Posted 11 hours ago with 19,980 notes

hermionejg:

fishingboatproceeds:

ohcurtains:

ofgeography:

so here’s a fun story about this movie. guess who loves this movie? me! i do! i love this movie. i love this movie so much that when i was in the 7th grade and i saw “first wives club 2” on pay per view i was like: HELL YEAH!! FIRST WIVES CLUB TWO!! NO ONE TOLD ME THERE WAS A SEQUEL!!!

here’s the synopsis for first wives club 2:

disgruntled first wives take their ex-husbands’ new lovers under their wing.

sounds great, right? awesome viewing material for a precocious 11-year-old.

so i buy this movie, and like, three minutes into it i’m starting to feel suspicious?? like it’s really low quality and my girls are nowhere in sight?? how come none of the first wives are the same?? how come they’re alone in a bedroom with mood lighting?? why is she taking off her shirt?? why are they both taking off their shirts?? WHY ARE THEY—

here’s what i did not know about first wives club 2:

  • it is a lesbian porno of no relation to the beloved 1996 classic.

so of course i, horrified that i’ve accidentally bought porn on my family’s account (and in that state of panic that kids work themselves into whenever anything regarding sex is mentioned), quickly shut off the TV and go upstairs and watch an episode of veggie tales to like, cleanse my soul and apologize to jesus, and that’s that.

EXCEPT, OF COURSE:

  • you have to pay for pay per view.

so the end of the month comes and i have completely put this incident out of my mind, haha, i accidentally bought porn, how funny, TELL NO ONE. right? and i’m sitting at a nice dinner with my mother, my stepfather, and my very religious aunt deb, and we’re just talking about farm things, whatever, when suddenly my mother puts her fork down and says, “okay, there’s something we need to discuss. as a family.”

  • AS A FAMILY.

and i’m like, running through a list of people i know who could conceivably be dead, and fantasizing about my mother announcing that she’s going to buy me My Own Computer Just Because U Earned It Kiddo, and she pulls out a piece of paper that says DIRECTV across the top. and i’m like: OH NO.

"i received the tv bill today," my mother said, and i was like, shoveling potatoes into my mouth as fast as i could because i knew that when i went to PORN PRISON they weren’t going to feed me this kind of quality starch. "does anybody want to tell me who purchased the pornography?"

as a reminder, a quick table survey:

  • my mother, surprised and disappointed by the porn bill (innocent)
  • my stepfather, a grumbly old cowboy who just wants to sing along to kenny chesney and watch the hunt for red october (innocent)
  • my aunt deb, a super religious catholic whose best friend is a nun named Sister Placid (innocent)
  • me, the 11-year-old with a mouthful of potatoes who definitely purchased the lesbian pornography

silence.

my mother said, “i’m not going to ask again.”

silence.

my aunt looked at my stepdad. my stepdad looked at my aunt. NOBODY LOOKED AT ME, THE 11-YEAR-OLD WITH A MOUTHFUL OF POTATOES WHO DEFINITELY PURCHASED THE LESBIAN PORNOGRAPHY.

my mother shook her head and put the bill down. “this was incredibly inappropriate,” she said. “skip, deb, whoever. buy that shit on your own time. i’m not paying for it. what if molly had seen it?”

  • WHAT IF MOLLY HAD SEEN IT?

"don’t expose my kid to that crap."

  • DON’T
  • EXPOSE
  • MY KID
  • TO THAT CRAP

"if you want to watch porn, fine, but do it in private and don’t expect me to pay for it. i can’t believe one of you did that in the living room."

  • I CAN’T BELIEVE ONE OF YOU DID THAT
  • IN THE LIVING ROOM

but molly, why didn’t you own up to it and explain that it was an accident?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • i did not want to go to porn prison

the fun conclusion to this story is that i never owned up to it, which means that there are 3 people in the world who have not solved the mystery of the lesbian porn. a quick survey:

  • my mother, who lives every day wondering whose porn she paid for
  • my stepfather, who probably wishes he knew less about his wife’s sister’s porn preferences
  • my aunt, who probably wishes she knew less about her sister’s husband’s porn preferences

but molly, why don’t you own up to it now, with the safety of time and distance and the knowledge that porn prison isn’t real?

  • are you fucking kidding
  • this is the best thing i’ve ever done

what an amazing story

Wow.

Someone get this lady a book deal because I want to read Tolstoy length books by her.

(Source: bellecs)

Posted 11 hours ago with 244,820 notes

awwww-cute:

Claw trap. Touch that belly and you’ll have a permanent kitty attached to your forearm

Posted 11 hours ago with 18,941 notes

paikeaapirana:

PICK A PRINCESS CHALLENGE → Tiana | Favorite quotes

(Source: llisabraeden)

Posted 11 hours ago with 2,238 notes

I don’t want to forget…

(Source: peetasalive)

Posted 11 hours ago with 2,911 notes
#the hunger games  #mockingjay  #thg  #stop  

cutefatbabe:

stop being mean to girls that like themselves

Posted 11 hours ago with 43,242 notes

(Source: thecatsmustbecrazy)

Posted 11 hours ago with 180,190 notes

comedycentral:

Click here for more of Jon Stewart’s coverage of the recent House Committee on Science, Space and Technology hearing.

Posted 11 hours ago with 150,448 notes

(Source: feelszarry)

Posted 11 hours ago with 3,531 notes